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Wednesday, 4 May 2016

"We Haven't Visited The Car For a While"

When I first started to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks I would ALWAYS want someone with me. Now I am the opposite; I choose to take myself away from others and ride the anxiety out alone. I do this so that nobody has to watch, comment or try their hardest to help me, when all I need them to do is sit next to me in silence. Dealing with anxiety in private makes me feel less embarrassed (panic attacks aren't pretty for anyone), I feel less guilt about ruining other peoples 'moment' AND I find it helps me relax more.

Normally this is fine; I live with one housemate (a best friend of four years who gets it all), so I consider my home to be my personal space or a "safe place" where I can be as anxious as I like. The thought of having to stay somewhere else (even if it is for a leisurely trip) gets me anxious. The thing I value most about my "safe place" is that I don't have to take myself away, I can just be.

So, picture this... a weekend away in a holiday home, living in close vicinity with ten other people (whom I love dearly) and five dogs (that I also love dearly, but happen to be allergic to - *takes inhaler*). Exciting?... yes! Nerve wracking... definitely!